Domestic abuse does not always include physical violence. Domestic Abuse can be defined as an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour, including sexual violence, by a partner or ex-partner. These incidents can include coercive control; psychological and/or emotional abuse; physical abuse; sexual abuse; financial abuse; harassment; stalking; and/or online or digital abuse.

Women stay in abusive relationships for many different reasons, and it can be very difficult for a woman to leave – even if she wants to. Like any other relationship, one that ends in abuse began with falling in love and being in love. Abuse rarely starts at the beginning of a relationship, but when it is established and often harder to leave.

A woman may still be in love with her partner and believe him when he says he is sorry and it won’t happen again; she may be frightened for her life or for the safety of her children if she leaves; she may have nowhere to go; she may have no financial independence. Abusers often isolate their partners from family and friends in order to control them, making it even more difficult for an abused woman to exit the relationship.

Alcohol and drugs can make existing abuse worse, or be a catalyst for an attack, but they do not cause domestic abuse. Many people use alcohol or drugs and do not abuse their partner, so it should never be used as an excuse for abuse. The perpetrator alone is responsible for his actions.

The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 recognises children under the age of 18 years who see, or hear, or experience the effects of the abuse, as a victim of domestic abuse, if they are related or have a parental relationship to the adult victim or perpetrator of the abuse.

Although many victims of domestic abuse try to shield children from the effects of the abuse, in most cases children will be fully aware of the abuse and experience the effects, whether the abuse is direct or indirect. A high proportion of children living with domestic abuse are also abused by the perpetrator, and perpetrators may harm children as a way of controlling their adult victim.

This is dangerous because any reference to ‘provocation’ means that we are blaming the woman and relieving the abuser of responsibility for his actions. Abuse or violence of any kind is never the victim’s fault. Responsibility always lies with the perpetrator alone.

Violence and abuse against women and children incur high costs for society: hospital treatment, medication, court proceedings, lawyers’ fees, imprisonment – not to mention the psychological and physical impact on those who experience it.

Domestic abuse happens every single day all over the world, and affects women of all ages, classes and backgrounds. It is a serious, widespread crime. We must ensure survivors’ voices are heard.

When we describe domestic abuse as a ‘private family matter’, we minimise, condone and permit it.

Most consumers of pornography are male, and pornographic material is becoming increasingly explicit, violent, and focused on male pleasure. It’s also freely available to anyone online, and studies indicate it is how many young people find out about sex.

Pornography contributes to a culture of misogyny, in which women and girls are abused by men for male pleasure. Women are harmed by pornography in two ways: directly, when they are used for the production of pornographic material; and indirectly, through the effects of mainstream availability and consumption of violent pornography.

In the vast majority of cases, domestic abuse is experienced by women and perpetrated by men. A woman is killed by her male partner or former partner every four days in England and Wales. In the year ending March 2023, data supplied from 28 police forces showed that the victim was female in 73.5% of domestic abuse-related crimes recorded by the police, compared with 26.5% of domestic abuse-related crimes where the victim was male (ONS, 2023a). Domestic abuse is a gendered crime that is deeply rooted in the societal inequality between women and men.

Domestic abuse exists as part of the wider spectrum of violence against women and girls, which also includes different forms of family violence such as forced marriage, female genital mutilation and so-called “honour crimes” that are perpetrated primarily by family members.

False allegations about domestic abuse are rare (CPS, 2013). This myth is extremely damaging because it can and does deter women from reporting abuse. It is worth noting that perpetrators sometimes present as victims, either because they see themselves as victims or because they are seeking to maintain power and control over their victim.

There is no research that supports this myth. Abuse and violence are a choice, and there is no excuse for them. Domestic abuse happens throughout every level of society, regardless of health, wealth or status.

To suggest that some women are particularly attracted to abusive men is victim-blaming. A perpetrator of domestic abuse can be charming and charismatic when he first meets a new partner, and often no one, let alone the woman he has just met, would suspect he would ever be abusive in a relationship.

Domestic abuse is prevalent throughout society, and because of this many people have grown up witnessing domestic abuse. Most of these people will never perpetrate domestic abuse in their own relationships, so it is never an excuse – and some of our most passionate supporters are child survivors of domestic abuse.

On average, one woman is killed by a male partner or ex-partner every week in England and Wales. Domestic abuse has a higher rate of repeat victimisation than any other crime, and in the year ending December 2023, the police recorded a domestic abuse offence approximately every 40 seconds (ONS, 2024).

There is no reliable data on domestic abuse, but the Crime Survey of England and Wales (CSEW) found that around one in four women (27%) have experienced domestic abuse since the age of 16.

In Luton alone, there is an average of 249 recorded domestic abuse-related crimes per month—around eight per day.

Domestic abuse is often a hidden crime, and it’s estimated that only 24% of incidents are reported to police. This means recorded figures represent only a fraction of the true scale of abuse.

Domestic abuse is more about taking control than losing control. Perpetrators rarely act spontaneously when angry. They consciously choose when to abuse their partner: when they are alone, and when there are no witnesses (if there is a witness, then usually they are a child). They control who they abuse.

Abuse and disagreement are not the same thing. Different opinions are normal and completely acceptable in healthy relationships. Abuse is not a disagreement – it is the use of physical, sexual, emotional or psychological violence or threats in order to govern and control another person’s thinking, opinions, emotions and behaviour.

Find out more about healthy relationships.

In fact, the opposite is true. Women are far more likely to be assaulted, raped and murdered by men known to them than by strangers.

Nine in ten rapes against women during the year ending March 2022 were carried out by someone they knew, and perpetrators were most likely to be an intimate partner.​ On average, one woman is killed by a male partner or ex– partner every week in England and Wales (ONS).